To the Mommy's at Heart

As my first Mother's Day approaches I've had many thoughts on Motherhood. First of all, I'm so grateful to be a mommy to the sweetest, most precious, energetic, funny, adorable little 8 month old girl that I am blessed to call my daughter. Second, I have a new appreciation and sincere thankfulness for my mom. Both for how she cared for and raised me when I was younger and now how she helped me when Eliana was born and how she loves on my daughter when we are together.

Lastly, I remember the not so great feelings that Mother's Day brought up in the past. Mother's Day is a reminder to some women of their deepest heart's desire to be a mommy and the fact that no matter what they do their arms are still empty.  The past couple of weeks my heart has been heavy for these women and their husbands who struggle with infertility. Our journey through infertility didn't last as long as it has for some. Only 2 years, but I remember the ache of just wanting a baby of our own to rock to sleep at night, to hold in my arms and stare at for as long as I wanted, to be able to see my husband hold our sleeping child. I remember the excitement of finding out we were pregnant and the unexplainable grief when there was no heartbeat on the ultrasound. I know my husband remembers the nights in bed hearing me try to hide my crying (again) and holding me close because that was the only way he knew how to comfort me.

Several times this week I've heard the song Blessings by Laura Story on the radio. This song has a special place in my heart. The first time I heard it I was driving home after getting lab work done that would basically tell us if we had definitely lost our first baby. Here is just a portion of the song, the chorus and last verse:

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops

What if your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy

What if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are your mercies in disguise

Obviously I needed to hear this at that time. No matter what we are going through, it is part of God's will for our life. Trials are blessings, maybe not visible at the time you are going through them, but if you are a true believer in Jesus Christ and trust Him, you will see the blessing. You will come to understand His grace, mercy and peace if you seek Him through the trial.

These are not exactly memories I desire to relive, but its important for me to remember. I know what the Lord brought us through was not just a, "and this too shall pass" moment. Yes we may not battle with infertility today, but all of those tears and triumphs were for a greater purpose. As believers in a Sovereign God we must give Him glory! And we do! We give Him glory for the grace He bestowed on us through times when I have no other explanation for the peace we had. We give Him glory for others we have been able to Biblically encourage because of what He brought us through. We give Him glory for teaching us through His Word how to trust Him and His will.  We give Him glory for our precious Eliana and the unexpected blessing of the child I now carry.

Even though I've been through infertility, I sometimes find it difficult to know how to encourage other women who are going through this trial. I remember that words just sometimes didn't cut it. I appreciated the kindness, sensitivity and encouragement from others, but the only thing that really brought me comfort was scripture.

"You are good and what you do is good, teach me your decrees." 

Psalm 119:68

After we miscarried, a friend of mine who had miscarried several times, told me that when I was reading the Bible to underline, date and notate any verse that the Lord used to encourage me specifically about the baby we lost. That was some of the best advice, because I go back and reference those verses often to share with others. Now when I read the bible and I come across one of those verses, it is a reminder of the Lord's goodness and sovereignty.

"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we 

may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

Hebrews 4:16

I pray the Lord uses this post to encourage those whose arms are empty on this Mother's day. I also hope that it gives some perspective to others who might know someone struggling through infertility.  If you are walking through your own journey of infertility and feel comfortable enough to share, I would love to pray with you and for you. To read more about our struggle and blessings with infertility read this post.